If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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