So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
