Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
