Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
