And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
