I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
