the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
