just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize