I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
