You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
