im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
