Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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