I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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