i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
