woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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