i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
