how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
