Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
