These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
