be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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