So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
