i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
