i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You're like the curious george of whores
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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