I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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