I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
