In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
