he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
