yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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