there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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