Your face is a jimmy john
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
