Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize