accomplished twins. life is a go
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
