Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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