forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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