that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
not ubering you a puppy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
