i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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