btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Two words: blizzard sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
