OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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