we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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