im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Randomize
