I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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