pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
