Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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