but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
