I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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