I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
