'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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