So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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