There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
