The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
