I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
