Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
