is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
