I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
