When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
