He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
