i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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