Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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