I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
