i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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