you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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