ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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