Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
