She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
