So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
