is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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