We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
