I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
