driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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