Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
