I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
