how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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