I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
