Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
