Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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