Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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