I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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