It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
