so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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