Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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